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“Logging Off?” – Hazel Hall

    Yeah, 10 hours yesterday /
    I am happy though / (happier than most) /
    Satisfied, even / I mean, the rush is never as strong as the first time it hit / but at least something is guaranteed / it's the internet /
    there always *has* to be something out there / something else to know / something new I
haven't heard of before /
    i know i'm hooked / but you have to understand / we all are
    tapping, liking, scrolling,
    quitting and coming back. /
    it's the media age / trapped in this cycle /
    why? what do you mean *why*? / why do we orbit the sun? /
    what if i miss something? /
    what if im not always available /
    what if they dont like me /
    (what if they start seeing me the way i see myself?)
    and then /
    what if i try to leave and never find this feeling again / this satiation again / a cousin to satisfaction, who got all the worst family genes / processing no more than 60 seconds of
information /
    (why would i leave? how would i survive in the real world anyways?)
    i mean what if /
    what if i go /
    and they dont notice im gone /
    what if im not connected / what if the end of the world is finally coming and i dont hear
about it / what if someone dies and im not the first to know about it /
    what if i could make a difference / what if i log off and nothing is any different /
    can i just keep scrolling / waiting 2 find the 1 video to make me laugh 2day / keep losing
myself in this pocket square / the size of my world / ? /
    keep waiting for a buzz / for my connection / waiting for some1 to notice my absence /
waiting to get back online / ? /
    because what if i disconnect and never find what ive been searching for / hoping for /
    what if no one ever searches my name when im gone /
    what if all the noises stop and there is nothing to refresh /
    what if all the noises stop and i have to deal with my thoughts /
    what if there are no thoughts /
    what if /
    i am completely alone
    and there is silence /

? /

About the Author:

Hazel is an 18-year-old disabled-queer writer and poet based in New Hampshire. At this point in time, they are pursuing an English major and working on her first novel. They have had works featured in After the Pause, Quail Bell Magazine, Celestite Poetry, Réapparition Journal, Scribes*MICRO*Fiction, Microfiction Monday Magazine, Valiant Scribe, and Wishbone Words with other pieces forthcoming in Breath & Shadow, Overtly Lit, and Beltway Poetry Quarterly. This piece has been previously published on Valiant Scribe‘s website!

This piece is part of Issue Three: CYBERSCRIPT. Read more like it here.

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